The Parenting Lawyer: What's My Body Got to Do with It?

Somatic intelligence refers to your ability to observe what is happening in your body. It also deals with your ability to understand what is happening at a particular moment and how to respond by what your body is telling you. This intelligence may reveal something very different about what is happening (alternative perceptions) and the appropriate responses, than either your intellect or emotions. This type of intelligence is important to your parenting efforts.

I want to separate somatic intelligence from certain human habits or manifestations, which may appear to reflect somatic intelligence but actually do not. First, there are those who are impeccably dressed and coiffed, based on an understanding that appearance creates a favorable impression on others. Practiced body movements, voice training or other demeanors designed to reinforce the initial impression may accompany this staging. Second are the bodybuilders whose every muscle has been driven, with or without chemical assistance, to optimal massing. Third are the indefatigable trainees, ceaselessly running, biking, swimming, climbing, rowing and so on.

Note that each of the above seeks to develop the body for some particular manifestation or outcome, which may or may not include an understanding of body, its temperament, wellbeing or status. I once coached an individual who ran long distances on a daily basis, but used the running time to "solve" work and personal problems. I asked him whether or not he occasionally fell, owing to the distraction of his problem solving. He admitted, with some embarrassment, that he frequently did, tripping over objects, changes in elevation or his own feet. His body was on autopilot and clearly not the subject of awareness.

Think of your body as an antenna, constantly sending and receiving information, not only about your body, your brain and emotions, but the bodies, brains and emotions of those around you. Your somatic, mental and emotional states are manifested through your body - its breathing, sensations, postures, and movements. How attuned is your antenna?

Let's take emotions for example. When I was a kid growing up in the 1950s, there was a sci-fi flick about a mad scientist, who following his death, had his brain placed in a vat, which was connected to proto-computers that allowed him to communicate and run his vast empire. And boy, was this scientist "mad," - I mean angry. The problem with the premise of an angry brain in a vat is that all the emotion manifests through the body. If you couldn't feel anger in your face, your voice, your hunched up shoulders, your pounding heart, your shallow breathing - you wouldn't feel anything at all. Emotion has to manifest to be experienced; your body is the instrument through which it manifests.

The difficulty with allowing yourself to become distanced from your body - somatically dead - is that you also become distanced from your emotions - emotionally dead. It is very difficult to prioritize your actions when you have lost your emotional connection to things. It is also difficult to connect to your sense of purpose. Imagine the impacts of this disconnect on your parenting perceptions and behaviors.

Your body also is your wellspring of resilience. In parenting, you must constantly be aware of your energy reserves. If you are out of touch with your body, how will you know? Operating from low-energy is an invitation to dysfunctional behavior.

The wonderful thing about somatic intelligence is that you can use your body to change your mood. Simply smiling causes biochemical reactions, which lift your mood.

There is a constant feedback loop between your mind and body. An incoming stimulus may give rise to a biochemical and neurological response, which in turn leads to a bodily response, which in turn is fed to the brain to assess the state of affairs. Or, an impulse to the body is sent as a signal to the brain, which assesses the circumstances leading to a biochemical and neurological response, which manifests as a bodily response. Or, the brain interprets certain information, giving rise to a biochemical and neurological signal transmitted to the body, which reacts in kind.

Probably one of your most recurring stimuli is stress. Many of you have lives that are so filled with stress that it is only in the rare moments of its absence that you become aware of its overwhelming presence. Stress keeps you in a constant state of "flight or fight" response, which marshals many of your body's limited resources. Stress manifests in an increased heart rate and blood pressure, decreased digestive and reproductive functions, a compromised immune system, and a decreased capability for higher-level brain functions. All in all, the symptoms inhibit awareness, limit your perceptions, restrict your behaviors, and all but eliminate creativity. Your engine is constantly running. You can't shut it off. You're constantly burning energy.

By increasing your somatic intelligence, you learn to interrupt the stress response. Through practices such as yoga, Qi Gong, meditation, to name just a few, you develop an ability to engage a relaxation response. You come to recognize that simply changing your breathing, your posture, or even your thoughts, can "reset" your heart rate and blood pressure, restore your digestion and reproductive systems, and build up your immune system. These practices are highly accessible, but do take time to put into place. While you may be able to notice a change in a matter of days, it takes months of committed practice to structurally embed in your mind and body.

But these practices bring with them the power of awareness, the ability to know how you are doing and how others are doing. You become attuned to yourself and your environment. You begin to pursue your life's purpose. You are able to set your goals and priorities. Your life comes into balance. And, you become happy.

I also have come to believe that as you increase your somatic competence, you become more open and generous. There is scientific reasoning behind this observation. A concept called limbic brain resonance basically confirms that, as humans, we are in an open loop system, regulating and being regulated by others as our physiology and emotions engage in an interactive dance. That is why, in intensive care units, heart attack victims show lower blood pressure and secretion of fatty acids, which block arteries, after being comforting by nurses. That is why patients in groups respond more successfully than patients in isolation. And that is why enthusiasm and laughter are very contagious. As you become more somatically intelligent, you seek out what is good for you - healthy people and healthy environments.

Last, we come to mirror neurons, which fire when you observe someone do an action. Here is where you can bring your generosity forward as a parent. By developing your somatic and emotional intelligences, you have the opportunity to reflect, through your body, emotions that will be emulated by your child. Parenting from this vantage point gives you the opportunity to bring greater health to your child. By surrounding yourself with emotionally healthy people, you will improve your mood, and you will bring this mood to the parenting environment. This is powerful and pervasive to your child.

Remember, your body is the container of your mind. All actions, thoughts, and emotions become a reality through your body. You can develop bodily awareness to relieve stress, thereby influencing your wellbeing. You can calm your body to calm your mind. Your life's purpose and meaning are felt and experienced through your body. By becoming somatically intelligent, you can create a positive environment, not only for your child, but everyone around you.